The Biter

I arrived to pick up my baby girl from toddler school a few weeks ago and was asked to review and sign an incident report.   I laughed, “Incident? What kind of incident?”  I was picturing toddlers being cuffed and stuffed for driving the big wheels too fast on the playground. 

I was told that my daughter and another child had been in an altercation over a toy which had led to teeth bearing and biting.  I immediately sobered up and sheepishly asked if my daughter was the offender or the victim.  They looked at me like my hair was on fire when I let out a big sigh of relief when they told me that my daughter had been the victim.  

I laughed nervously and quickly explained that NO ONE wants to be the mother of the biter.  Being the mom of the biter is the worst.  It’s like you achieve instant pariah status.  It’s like Chuckie trying to get a play date.   The whispers, the weak attempts at “Hey there,” the pitiful looks, the wide berths on the sidewalk and definitely no play dates. 

A few years earlier my oldest son had bitten a kid.  Admittedly, it appeared to be self-defense, but no one remembers that sucker punch that turned my sweet little boy into a blood thirsty vampire when he grabbed that little punk fist and sunk his teeth right in.  He knew he wasn’t allowed to hit, but he had no idea that his next move was much much worse.   Ah, the horror when I got that phone call at work.  I can remember saying, “My son? Did what? Really?” 

Fast forward and I was thankful that I was on the other side, although when I saw the bite I was a little shocked and now determined to provide some self-defense techniques in case this scenario presents itself again.    You want to bite my daughter, well you better be prepared to take delivery of a solid elbow across your chubby little gremlin face. 

She's like the Punisher and she's coming for you, biter.

I love Chili Peppers!

You may have noticed that I have been posting pictures of food with lots hot stuff on it.  I happen to love LOVE hot food and jalapenos are easy to incorporate into your meal regularly without much thought.  Mostly because you can buy them at most grocery stores, fresh, pickled, chopped, minced, diced, you name it.  I do love many other of these steamy hot beauties, but admittedly am not adept at preparing them, so I usually leave it to the professionals and order my food 2x to 5x spicy at restaurants. 

Chili Peppers are beautiful and elegant in every way, but it’s the smell, texture and flavor that draws me in and keeps me coming back.  They are so complex and diverse depending on the variety that one could go mad thinking about the ways to consume them.   The heat palettes range from mild to holy shit.  You can feel the burn  in a different place with each variety; just the tip of your tongue, the back of your throat, the top of your head, your whole body temperature changes, and the list goes on.  One time my eyes felt like they were going to jump out of my head.  God that was a good meal!

I will put hot sauce on anything and eat raw or roasted chilies plain.  I have a theory that I rarely get sick because I eat so many of them, especially if I feel a cold coming on because I go right for the Chinese pepper dishes with the freshest, hottest mother fuckers they can find to make my body a hostile environment, a warzone, the fucking black ops to assist my immune system.  BAM.

I have read and heard it said that chilies hold a great deal of vitamin C in them and possess a wide range of medicinal powers including increasing metabolism, lowering risk of heart disease and certain cancers when eaten frequently.  Check out the links below for your amusement. 

But what do I care about that, I just want to eat them because they taste so freaking good!

http://www.consumer.org.my/index.php/food/medicinal/164-chillies-hot-healer-for-many-illnesses

http://www.chilepepperinstitute.org/content/files/Fun%20Chile%20Facts.pdf

https://www.intellihub.com/top-10-weird-chilli-pepper-facts/

http://authoritynutrition.com/foods/chili-peppers/

http://www.saveur.com/gallery/Chile-Pepper-Gallery?image=0

VALENTINES DAY SUGAR COOKIE CUTOUTS

I have a tried and true sugar cookie cutout recipe that I use most holidays.  Christmas, Halloween, Valentines, and Easter are the biggies.  I like to think that I have made a name for myself in the school during these time because without fail I come bearing cookies.  My second son is now in Kindergarten and they have a cooking club.  YAY!  So I have been making dough for almost every holiday.  I love to see how the kids decorate these beauties.

Mission: Kindergarten to prepare 150 cookies for the school dance.

Solution:  12 kindergartners prepared and decorated about 150 cookies successfully for the dance and each one was consumed with love.

         

      I pre-made 4 times the amount of sugar cookie dough.  I baked a few dozen for the kids ahead of time to decorate while they were waiting for theirs to bake.

*I also prepared gluten free/dairy free versions to accommodate some children with allergies.

Sugar cookie cutout recipe

1/3 cup unsalted butter
1/3 cup vegetable shortening

1 egg

1 cup granulated sugar

2 cups all-purpose flout

1 tablespoon milk

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon baking powder

Dash salt

Oven 375 degrees

Cream together butter and shortening.  Add egg and vanilla and continue to mix. Add milk. Add flour, baking powder, salt and gentle mix together until thoroughly combined.

Cover and refrigerate for about 6 hours or overnight.

On a lightly floured surface roll out half the dough at a time to about 1/8 inch thickness.  Cut into shapes and place on ungreased cookie sheet.  Bake at 375 for 8-10 minutes depending on your taste.  Cool cookies on a paper towel or rack.  Frost with Powdered Sugar icing and sprinkle decorative sugars and candies.

POWERED SUGAR FROSTING
4 Cups confectioners sugar
Dash of salt
2-5 tablespoons milk (or dairy free nut/free milk)
Note: add milk 1 tablespoon at time until desired consistency is reached
1 teaspoon vanilla

By hand or in a mixer blend together the ingredients until you reach the desired consistency for spreading on cookies.  Add sprinkles immediately after spreading on cookie or the frosting will set.

Gluten Free/Dairy Free 
Sugar cookie cutout recipe

1/3 cup vegan baking sticks

1/3 cup vegetable shortening

1 egg

1 cup granulated sugar

*2 cups all-purpose Gluten Free flour (or whatever type of flour you prefer.  I have used many types and they still turn out delicious)

1   tablespoon soy, coconut, or rice Milk (almond milk works, but not nut free)

1teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon baking powder

Dash salt

Same baking instructions as above.  Note, the recipe may require more flour based on the variety you choose.  I usually need to add at least a half a cup to a cup more flour.  You want a nice firm dough that doesn’t stick to your hands.  Chill overnight.

Powered Sugar icing can be made the same way using soy, coconut, rice or almond Milk

No more guilt!

Don't feel guilty for carving out workout time for yourself, Battlemoms.   We spend most of our time making life convenient for others and/or driving the kids to all their activities.  When it comes time for us to get what we need, it takes an act of Congress to make it happen.  Not to mention that we are fucking exhausted, so it's easy to let it slide.

You deserve your personal time, Battlemom, because you are doing the most important job that ever existed.  I worked full time for many years and the guilt I put on myself was just as intense as any guilt trip someone else could wish upon me.  In the end, however, I know that I was a better mother when I was able to get the time I needed to blow off steam while I became physically and mentally stronger.   I also met new people with whom I had many common interests and became lifelong friends.

My kids were trained from a very young age to be with a sitter.  Sitters are nice and do things that mommy doesn't always feel like doing because they are paid to be FUN. Sometimes the boys were actually disappointed when the answer to, "Who is coming tonight, Mommy?" was "ME."  This made me so happy because that meant they were developing into well adjusted, social kids who always knew I was coming back.  Separation anxiety on the first day of school was not an issue and I was proud to think I had inadvertently helped them gain an important skill while I got me some killer guns.

You may be thinking to yourself, "I can't do that" or "How can I do that?"  Don't worry, I'm going to tell you what you need to do, and yes, you can do that and not feel guilty.  

Laying the ground work for your path to happiness takes time and effort, but if you are proactive and persistent you can get it done.

First things first:  Figure out what you love to do.  Swim, Climb, Bike, Martial Arts, Boxing, Personal Trainer, Yoga, Spin, Run, Hike, Pilates -- It doesn't matter, but figure it out. 

• Find a time that works for you and your schedule at least 3 times a week.  Carve out that time as yours and only yours - no excuses.

• Find reliable help.  Get dad on board to help you accomplish your goal.  If that doesn't or can't work, get yourself a good sitter that you trust to watch your kids for 2 hours, so you don't have to rush.  You need time to get there, workout, shower and get home safely.   Bonus points if you have a gym that has good reasonably priced daycare.  Your kids can play with other kids and gain some social skills and peer modeling skills while you get your beach body. 

• If the cost is holding you back, figure out what you can do without, so you can pay a sitter.  I figured out all the little things that I was buying and didn't really need, and cut them out.  Honestly, cutting a few Starbucks coffees each week and a Happy Hour was enough to give me what I needed.  Be creative and honest with yourself.  

• Guard that time jealously and don't let anyone or anything pull you away from it.  The exceptions being sick kids, emergencies, holidays, birthdays, etc. You get where I am going with this.  When this happens, you will go to plan B, which is the home workout.

• DON'T let other moms try to make you feel guilty.  This is unacceptable and not allowed. They are jealous and wish they had the balls to do what you are doing.

Prior to moving to an athletic city, I would occasionally run across the mom who raised an eyebrow at me for training as often as I did.  It didn't matter that I was working towards a goal and my kids loved having our babysitters.  These are the same moms who refused or were too lazy to find sitters, but would complain about how much they worked without a break.  I call bullshit on that, ladies. These are the same women who will have no identity when their kids fly the coop.  But not you, you're a Battlemom.

Show your kids what a strong, confident, independent woman looks like.  Your sons will respect the shit out of you and your daughters will want to be like you.  Isn't that amazing?  

Oven Roasted Cod with Brussel Sprouts, Sweet Potatoes and Pancetta

2 4-6 oz cod Fillets
1 medium sweet potato peeled and cut into thick slices or chunks
12 oz small to medium brussel spouts
4 oz diced pancetta
2 Tbsp Olive oil
cajun seasoning
lemon
salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 350.

Saute the pancetta for 4 minutes to release the oil
Toss vegetables and pancetta with 1 Tbsp olive oil, salt and pepper
Place on a baking sheet and bake covered with foil for 40 minutes.

While the vegetables are baking
Rinse fish with water and pat dry
Coat fillets with olive oil and season with cajun spices, lemon juice, salt and pepper
Place in a baking dish and bake for 25-30 minutes