Be active with your kids.  It's so much fun to explore the outdoors with them, even if they whine a little.  I recommend getting a kiddie camelback backpack for your hikes or bike rides, it really puts them in control of their hydration and you don't have to carry heavy water bottles.

I recommend a good hiking back pack for the little ones.  Adds extra pounds, but you can go places a stroller won't and so good for your training.

Have a sense of humor and have fun with your kids.  It's the little things that make the biggest memories!

1 Dill Pickle, Please!

So you're 40ish +/-, you have one or more kids, no time, no energy, droopy ass, saggy titties, wrinkles in strange places and you feel like soon you will be a candidate for the cover of National Geographic?
It may be true, but ladies, it's how you deal with the truth that matters.

Spoiler alert: Everyone is going in the same direction, so don't get caught up in what the 20 somethings are doing and how they look. You had your chance and now it’s time to move on to bigger and better things. Have a little humor, go hiking, biking, climbing, running, swimming, do yoga, study martial arts – something physical; and learn to love all your parts for better or worse. Your body belongs to you and no one else, so fucking give it some love.

It’s about obtaining and maintaining a healthy mind and body, even when your shit starts to sag. And it will sag. You’ll be happier, more confident and have more energy for your kids, husband, work, or whatever.

Flavorful food that provides nutrition and fuel to your body combined with the right exercise regimen are the key in my opinion. Develop healthy (not fad) habits that work for your lifestyle. Things like weight gain don’t happen overnight, that’s why it’s important to learn, adopt and stick to healthy habits while listening to what your body is telling you.

Maybe you’re bloated from medication, too much salt or your period. Fine. But maybe the truth is that you have poor eating habits, little or no restraint, and you are slowly but surely gaining weight. Sometimes shit just happens. So if shit happened to you and you want to fix it – fix it. Consult a doctor if you need to and get started.

Remember that it takes weeks, months, even years of bad habits for the weight to add up and it’s not going away overnight either, so please stay away from a quick fix. What you need to fix are your bad habits. That’s all on you. Stop rolling through the drive thru and commit a little extra time to prepping easy well- balanced meals. Do this ahead of time if you need to. Your good habits will not go unnoticed by your kids, so take this opportunity to set a good example. When my kids see me eating healthy and loving it they are more likely to want to taste it.

Remember that eating well and getting in shape will boost your energy and your confidence, but first you need a commitment from yourself and solid support system. You don’t want to be hanging around with people who try to block the path to your goal. Stay away from those pub crawling out-of-shape whiners who want to bring you down and keep you like one of them. Brisk walking at the mall will not a beach body make.

Place yourself in a supportive environment filled with people who really want you to dominate this challenge. It’s difficult to succeed at anything when there are forces constantly trying to undermine your confidence. Stay focused and make sure your workouts are meaningful. Working out should make your sweaty or whine -- or both if you’re really working hard.

When it comes to food, it’s important to have a basic understanding of portions and how many calories you are really consuming vs how calories you actually need. For example, my body can tolerate more carbs than the average woman because I train a lot and probably genetics, but the minute I stop or slow down training I make sure to reduce my intake. The metabolism will not stay ramped up when you’re not in beast mode.

When I was training for my first black belt I was working full time, training daily for several hours and taking care of my two little boys and my husband. Eating at least 3000-4000 calories a day and looking ripped was nice, but the reality was that I couldn’t maintain that lifestyle for a long period of time. After I earned my new rank, my training slowed down, so I could spend more time with the family. Soon my weight began to increase because my output was not the same as it had been and my body was trying to tell me to lighten up. I was frustrated because I really like to eat, but with some simple adjustments I was back to my happy place.

Check out the link below outlining the exercises for burning the most calories. Make sure to incorporate these into your workout routines. Things like burpees, lunges, and plank are among some of the best exercises to make you sweaty and keep you fit.

http://news.health.com/2013/08/30/5-exercises-that-burn-the-most-calories/

According to www.health.com the average human burns about 10 calories per minute doing burpees. Assuming 10-20 burpees a minute, you can trade 1 dill pickle spear for those 10 calories. Now it’s a party. 5 minutes of burpees may burn approximately 50 calories.

My husband believes this is not a fair trade and quickly came to the conclusion that burpees aren’t worth it. Blasphemy! Keep doing those burpees ladies, they’re good for you. Why? A full body strength training exercise, the burpee gives you the most bang for your buck because it works your arms, chest, legs, glutes, and abs. I'm sweating just thinking about it.

Just when you start to get on track here comes snack time. That pivotal point in the day when we all can fall off the wagon into a bag of kettle cooked potato chips. Don’t. Check out this list of snack foods that have 50 calories or less. Remember 5 minutes of burpees.....

http://www.womansday.com/health-fitness/nutrition/a30/50-best-snacks-under-50-calories/

When you’re starting out, be rigid about your calorie intake and strict with the exercise schedule. Remember, if you’re feeling weak just drink a glass of water or seltzer to stave off the urge to snack unnecessarily. Don’t indulge in that piece of cake at your co-worker’s birthday party. Nibble on the veggie platter. Never go to the grocery store hungry. Plan ahead, make a list and shop smart. Avoid eating out for at least a week, so you can start to solidify your new good habits. If you have to eat out, be strong and continue to follow the guidelines you have set for yourself.

When you work out, give it everything you have and then give more. You can do it! Why? Because you're a battlemom!

Battlemom Green Smoothies

A Battlemom is always on the go.  If not with the kids, then working, volunteering, cooking, swiming, climbing, martial arts, cardio, laundry, etc.  This means there isn't a lot of time to sit down and enjoy a leisurely breakfast, so the daily go to for me is the battlemom green smoothie because it's portable and packed with enough nutrition to get you to your next meal without feeling empty.

As a general rule, you can blend almost any food into a smoothie, so you should start with what you like and put your stamp on it.  My favorite recipe below.

Battlemom Green Smoothie

Ingredients

• 1 bag Baby Kale and Spinach Mix
• 1/4 cup chopped cucumber 
• 1 banana
• few blueberries (fresh or frozen)
• 1 Tbsp Golden honey
• 1/4 - 1/2 cup plain greek yogurt
• 1 Tbsp Chia seeds (ground or whole)
• 1 Tbsp ground Flaxseeds
• Almond Mild (unsweetened original):  enough to fill to the top of the max fill line. 

Stuff this into the large nutribullet mug (about 20-24 oz) and blend away.  Drink immediately or chill until your ready to enjoy.

Variations:  

• Fruits:  I like to use cantaloupe when I can get a nice ripe melon because it has a nice fresh sweet flavor.  Berries, pears, pineapple, kiwi are all delicious.  
• Greens:  I love the baby kale and spinach, fresh or bagged and beet greens if I have them.  Use whatever green suits you, but be aware that some greens, like arugula are really peppery or hot and may not taste so good after you blend it.
• Yogurts:  I like the plain greek, but feel free to use a flavored variety, as long as you are aware that flavors usually add more sugar.
• Milks:  I prefer the unsweetened almond milk, but soy, oat, rice,  or even milk is fine.  Again, be mindful of the calories if you decide to use a flavored milk.
• Sweeteners:  I prefer honey above all other things, but things like agave, or maple syrup will do in a pinch.
• Nuts/Seeds:  Throw it in in small amounts to see if you like what it does.  Some of my friends like to add almond or cashew butter.
• Powders:  I don't use because the can change the consistency, but you can certainly add a small amount if your diet dictates that you have this.  

Lemon coconut blueberry tart

Not one slice of this left at the school potluck.  Winner.

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup powdered sugar
• 3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) butter, cut into pieces, room temperature
• 5 eggs
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 3/4 cup fresh lemon juice
• 1 tsp lemon extract
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 cup fresh blueberries
• 1 cup sweetened coconut
• 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon grated lemon peel

Preparation

1.  Preheat oven to 350°F. Combine 1 1/2 cups flour and 1/2 cup powdered sugar in large bowl. Add butter and cut in until mixture resembles coarse meal. Press mixture into a 9 inch tart pan. Poke holes in dough with a fork to keep bubble from forming.  Bake until golden brown, about 20 minutes. Remove from oven. Maintain oven temperature.
2. Beat eggs, 1 1/2 cups sugar, lemon juice, 1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon flour.  Mix in blueberries, coconut and lemon peel in medium bowl to blend. Pour into crust. Bake until mixture is set, about 20 minutes. Cool.

Reinventing Leftovers

Reinventing Leftovers

One of this battlemom’s responsibilities is to prepare delicious and nutritious (most of the time) meals.  Every family has a meal time routine, and please don’t judge me too harshly, because mine consists of one meal for the kids and usually a separate later meal for parents.   Occasionally I can entice my two boys into at least trying what I am making for myself, but most of the time they subsist on a decidedly beige diet.  Luckily the girl child eats almost anything. 

My motto is; “if I can make it better and cheaper at home why bother going to a restaurant”.   I am a very good cook and baker and the only thing I really dislike is fennel, so mealtime in my house is excellent.  I try to prepare mostly healthy meals, but sometimes a girl just needs a bacon cheese burger (with a green vegetable of course).

I happen to hate left overs, so when I am faced with them I cringe.  Lately, though I have been making a conscious effort to waste as little food as possible and creatively reinvent my leftovers.  It can really be challenging, but rewarding when you get a true winner and a great recipe.

Nostalgia

When we decided to relocate from New York I knew it would be difficult for me on many levels, but I underestimated the emotional roller coaster ride that my sons would have to endure and eventually overcome on this adventure.   

Although they have very different personalities they are both very sensitive and loving.  The 5 year old tends to be very dramatic, wearing his heart on his sleeve and you always know if he is happy or sad.  The 7 year old is very stoic, holds his cards close and still lacks the ability to connect to his feelings. 

Excitement about our adventure turned to sadness at the realization that we were indeed on an adventure.   The house where they were born and raised would soon belong to someone else.  The neighborhood where most of their friends lived would soon be left behind and most of those friends would never be seen again.

 Looking back at a few of my older son’s farewells, I am truly amazed at how early connections are made and how each relationship is carefully treated in a slightly different, yet respectful and loving way.   I remember three distinct farewell events that will stick with me forever.

The first happened one evening when a neighborhood boy who tended to be very quiet and calm came to say goodbye. He brought a picture of the two of them on a play date together in a frame for my son.  He had the same picture for himself.  When it was time to say goodbye for the last time, my son simply said, “goodbye, I’ll never see you again” and walked away.   I didn’t know what to say and as I tried to lighten the mood, this boy simply said, “it’s true, we will never see each other again.”  

The second was after a final play date with two close school friends.   I drove one of the boys home and when it was time for him to exit the car my son called out to him, “goodbye, I am going to miss you.”  The boy responded, “I am going to miss you too.”   Then, they ran to each other and hugged.  When the hug was over, my son got into the car and the boy ran into the house with his head down.

 

The third was after a sleep over with his best friend.   My son was still behaving as if they would be playing together the next day as they always did.  The farewell was a positive and happy one.  Both boys were clearly sad, but surprisingly stoic.  I was amazed at their ability to compartmentalize this somewhat traumatic event as they hugged and promised to see each other again soon because they knew they would.

During all three of these exchanges, I was surprised, saddened and extremely proud of him for letting his typically hidden emotions peep out for just a moment.  At just the right moment in each case.

Things were not that easy for my younger son.   I completely misread and misunderstood the depth of his social awareness and I now know that I wrongly discounted his understanding of our adventure and what that meant to him.   Perhaps I was more concerned about packing and other selfish things to notice that he was for the first time not being dramatic about his feelings.  He did get to spend the night and say goodbye to one of his favorite families.   When I went to pick him up, he refused to leave and I simply didn’t know what to do.  Eventually we coaxed him out and into the car, but it tore a hole right through me.

 When we finally arrived at our new home he said to me apropos of nothing, “I miss my friends.”  I began to understand that in this moment, contrary to his usual dramatic self, he was trying to keep it together and it was not easy.   

I learned a lot about my sons on this adventure. 

In the end, we finally made it to our new home base and are now trying to find our new normal.   The boys are still trying to fill the void of the friends left behind, but each day gets easier as they meet new people and discover that they can actually have fun with each other. 

Don't get spready butt

Battlemom trains hard, but doesn't like to make a big deal about it.  Now I have to because I want you guys to get fit and healthy and stay that way.  Of course, you still need to go to the swim meets,  the music lessons and bake those cookies for the bake sale, but you don't need to sit on your ass and get spready butt.
While you're waiting do some squats, frog hops or burpees and by all means put down the snack you don't need, unless it's a piece of fruit.   Make sure to hydrate!

Social Cues

Just like our kids, moms need to be able to recognize and honor social cues.

In my experience when parents, or more specifically mom’s, meet in a new school or social situation there is a high level of posturing and judgement that occurs.  This happens whether you like it or not, so just accept it, don’t take it seriously.   It’s a joke, a game, a silly little one act play that can quickly turn into a full scale opera complete with misunderstandings, gossiping, finger pointing and whodunnits if you’re not careful.  

Over the years I have experienced several different types of moms or what I like to call “mom archetypes”.  Categorizing them is not only fun, but has helped me deal efficiently and effectively with all kinds of nonsense.  I always love to uncover a new hybrid, it keeps life interesting.

My strategy is to walk in to any social situation and piss on everything to establish my alpha status among the herd.    I do this by making the rounds in an attempt to meet everyone, so I can decide (1) who I want to avoid pretty much forever, (2) who I might like to be friends with, and (3) who I need to form an alliance purely for convenience.  Once you are on my who to avoid list or what I like to call my “social prison,” it’s difficult to get a pardon, but it does occur on occasion.  

After all, Battlemom has to be open-minded and make allowances for those who are introverts or just don’t know how to behave on the mom circuit.  FYI, the moms who appear to be bitchy or bored, are probably really introverts and super shy, therefore safe territory.   

It’s the overly curious, chatty moms you have to look out for.  As a self-proclaimed non-joiner I tend to drift toward the other loners, the quiet ones who don’t talk a lot or give up information easily because they are usually genuine articles.

I can’t list the number of times that I have had to endure the awkward moment when I realize that someone is just not getting my polite social cue to move on.  The only real way to make it stop is to just avoid them like the plague.  This is annoying because you have to put effort into this tactic.  If you actually do the right thing and tell them you don’t want to hang out for whatever reason; feelings get hurt and you will always be the bad guy because they are so fucking needy and out of touch with reality. 

 Are they really that stupid?   Yes, I promise you, this archetype is really that stupid.  I once was having a really bad day and it was glaringly obvious by the strained look on my face.  I arrived to pick up my kid at his weekly activity and was confronted by two moms.  One immediately saw the look on my face, asked if there was anything she could do and then drifted into the background when I just grimaced.  The other who was always completely self-absorbed and needy barreled into my personal space with her kid and wanted me to hear all about the kid and how I should be so proud of him for doing something I could care less about.  Not wanting to be dismissive of the child, I gave him a high five with a “Good job!” then turned my back on them both and bolted with my kid out the door.  Don’t be that needy mom, it’s just exhausting for me and embarrassing for you. 

Another archetype is the stalker mom.  She is the one who thinks you are best friends and constantly wants to do stuff with you but you never seem to be available.  The mom who brings her kids to your door to play at homework/dinner time with no advance notice.  The mom you hide from in the grocery store parking lot.  The mom you quite obviously ignore as she tries to get your attention in the waiting room.  The mom who crazily honks the horn while hanging out the window waving at you.  That mom.

The most hateful is the bully mom.  This is the mom who does things to undermine the teacher in school.  The mom who gets people excited over nothing.  The mom who spreads lies and gossips.  The mom who threatens to take her kids (and her money) out of school if they don’t play by her rules.  No one likes her, but many cower to her because she is so vocal about her misguided, factually inaccurate opinion.  Sort of like the Donald Trump of the mom world.  Bleh.

My personal favorite is the one upper mom.  The mom whose kid is smarter, funnier, stronger, faster, you name it, just plain better than your kid.  The mom whose kid is an asshole and somehow creates an alternate reality where it was actually your kids’ fault that he was hurt by her kid.  Newsflash bitch, no one likes you or your kid as much as you do, so get the fuck away from me.

Not all archetypes are bad, so let’s throw in the do-gooder mom.   The suck up, the little miss sunshine of the school.  She’s annoying, but totally harmless.

By this point you may be wondering which archetype is battlemom?  If I had to choose, I would say that I am a combination of the non-joiner and another mom type which you don’t see very often:  The advocate.  This mom, calls bullshit on the bully mom, supports the other moms and tries to protect the kids from being innocent victims.

Now I want to point out that we are all guilty of falling into the social trap and behaving like one of the despised archetypes for a brief period of time.  The difference is this personality doesn’t define us and we recognize how important it is to maneuver away from the behavior as soon as we can after realizing the mistake.   I have done it myself, usually in an effort to relate to the other person; however, I will try to redirect the conversation back to the original topic as soon as possible, acknowledging and sometimes apologizing for being inconsiderate.

So moms, please try to pay attention to the social cues that other parents are putting out, be aware of your own behavior and don’t take it personally when someone doesn’t want to be your BFF or even your F.    This isn’t the grade school playground where our kids are required to be nice to everyone purely for the sake of learning how to be good caring little citizens.  I don’t have to be nice to you and quite frankly I don’t have time for your emotional bullshit if your feelings are hurt because I don’t want to hang out with you.  It’s not me, it’s you.  Just move on and you’ll probably find someone with whom you are compatible.   

Battlemom vs Tough Mudder

Ok, fellow battlemoms, I decided to form a team and sign up for the tough mudder.  I plan to document the journey from forming the team to training for the challenge.  This is going to get dirty.

I took the quiz and got CAPTAIN

You're the ringleader among your social circle - your persuasive skills are nearly as strong as your biceps and/or glorious facial hair. You're full of great ideas and doing a Tough Mudder is one of them. With new obstacles and course challenges each year, every Mudder journey is different, and it all starts with finding a Tough Mudder event near you. - See more at: https://toughmudder.com/mudder-ready/submission/4465/4606136#sthash.Hllhahyb.lo1fuxAy.dpuf

What is a battlemom?

Let’s get one thing straight.  I am Battlemom: Dedicated wife, devoted mother, pocket ninja, workout junkie, champion of the underdog, loyal friend, opera singer, comedienne, karaoke enthusiast, tank top wearing, chap stick lover, margarita maker, cookie baker, meatball maker, fennel hater,  gluten, nut and dairy lover, politically incorrect, sarcastic, coffee addict.  The list goes on forever, but these are the things that most notably define me.

Seriously though, anyone can be a battlemom.  She is all things good, bad, just and unjust because she has to be.  There can’t be one side without the other.    It’s really about getting up every day and fighting the good fight for you and your family.  As I said before, a mom doesn’t get to pick her battles and every one of us wears a different superhero costume designed specifically for us (in our minds), so that we can face each challenge the day brings with grace and dignity.  Grace is not one of my strong points.  It’s a challenge and I’m working on it.

Fighting every fight is a myth, you say?  We have the power to choose our battles, right?  Wrong.

Battles of all shapes and sizes will forever seek us out. I’m sorry, but you can’t change that.  How we choose to face each challenge is what defines us:  for better or worse. 

How you engage is not relevant.  It’s that you had to engage. 

Reflect on that one.